How to Respectfully Reinforce Boundaries
I often work with clients to define boundaries. Healthy boundaries allow leaders to make better decisions, often in service of wellbeing and fulfillment. The initial process is straightforward and exploratory. What do you want more of? Less of? Gaining clarity comes first.
The difficulty presents itself when a boundary is tested or crossed. Will you hold it? Will you make an exception? The real work of boundaries begins here. The next time one of your boundaries is compromised, consider the following practice:
Remind yourself why you set this specific boundary.
Understanding your reason for this boundary reinforces the need to hold it. What prompted you to set it in the first place? Gain clarity by asking yourself why the boundary is important to you in this moment.
Consider the trade-offs of holding the boundary or flexing it.
Boundaries are not hard and fast. You have the ultimate decision to honor or modify a boundary. Either way, there will be pros and cons. Identify them.
Commit to a decision rather than wallowing in indecision.
You can spend hours, sometimes days, stewing over a boundary being crossed. Instead, give yourself a set amount of time to process the situation and the ideal outcome. When you arrive at the best decision for yourself, make it respectfully and without apology. Accept the trade-offs and move forward with confidence in what you need.
Reflect on patterns you notice regarding this boundary.
Is there an individual or circumstance that triggers you to flex this boundary more often than you’d like? Dig deeper to understand a few things: 1) why are you allowing these patterns to develop, and 2) whether this boundary needs to be modified. Is it too rigid? Is it too flexible? Is it actually helping you? Check in occasionally and make tweaks as needed.
Boundaries are a key component in wellbeing. They make clear what you value and how you care for yourself.
Dr. Katie Stone is the founder of Together Evolving. Email Katie at katie.stone@togetherevolving.com to learn more about the transformational impact coaching has on you and your leadership.