Boundaries Series, Part One: Start with Awareness

My previous post on boundaries focused on setting one boundary for yourself. After giving this topic more thought, I realized there is an important first step I skipped, the role of awareness in boundary setting. Before taking action and setting boundaries, you must curate a deep sense of self-awareness in the present moment.

Boundaries articulate the ways we care for ourselves.  In my own life and the lives of those I coach, the topic of boundary setting often surfaces during times of overwhelm.  When we determine boundaries in a hasty and reactive way, they are anything but helpful. The band-aid thinking that setting boundaries will solve overwhelm is short lived, especially when we fail to honor the boundaries we set.

How do we help ourselves and set boundaries leading to lasting changes?  Follow the guidance below to bring clarity you may not have now.

Schedule a one hour discovery meeting with yourself.

Setting boundaries starts with learning.  You are the teacher and the student.  What will you discover about yourself when you gift yourself the time to do so?  More important than scheduling the time is honoring the time.  Be mindful of hitting the snooze button on this meeting or dismissing it altogether.

Write the following questions in your self-coaching journal.

What do you want? 

This is the foundational question to get started - it's a big one.  Once you answer it to your satisfaction, dig deeper and consider:

What is your vision for your life?

What do you value?

What is your true potential?

What do you need right now?

Where do you currently find the most fulfillment in your life?

How does your life today compare to the life you thought you would have?

Give yourself time to think about these questions before the discovery meeting.

Write each question at the top of a journal page and leave it blank until your meeting.  Think about your answers by watching yourself live in the present.  What are you doing that gives you energy, that takes your energy, that depletes you?  Is your life a series of reactions and busyness or is it a life of choice and intention?  Observe and learn.

Go into the discovery meeting with an open mind, and journal all the things inside of you.

You've witnessed your behavior and you have a sense of what's important.  Time to get the thoughts out of your head and onto paper.  Schedule the discovery meeting  when you know you will be awake, alert, and able to free-flow your answers for as long as it takes.  After doing this exercise, I often hear clients say: I had no idea this was inside of me.

The goal of boundary setting is to create a life of purpose and wellbeing for you.  Give yourself time to identify your true needs and wants before developing meaningful boundaries.  Your thoughtful responses to these questions prepare you for the next step, setting meaningful boundaries.  More on that next time.

Dr. Katie Stone is the founder of Together Evolving.  Email Katie at katie.stone@togetherevolving.com to learn more about the transformational impact coaching has on you and your leadership.