Navigating Difficult Relationships at Work

You have the power to positively impact every relationship at work, especially ones that challenge you most.  Difficult relationships provide opportunities to grow when you open yourself to doing the work.  When struggling with a colleague, grab your reflection journal and consider the following questions.

1.   Identify the relationship as critical or not critical.

 Question: Is this a critical relationship at work?

 A critical relationship at work is defined as one necessary for you to professionally achieve results and grow.  If this is not a critical relationship, set respectful boundaries to care for yourself.  If this is a critical relationship, keep reading.

2.    Identify your role in the relationship's difficulty.

 Questions: How am I contributing to this difficult relationship?  Get specific.  What can I do about it? 

When you have a messy relationship, you are part of the mess.  The sooner you acknowledge this truth, the sooner you can do something about it.  Shift gears and work on ways you can improve rather than focusing on the other person.  In any relationship, you are the only person you can control.

3.    Identify specific ways the employee adds value to the organization.

Question: What are three things this employee does well?  

When I do this exercise with a client, I often hear 'they do not do anything well' as an initial answer.  Upon further reflection, the client identifies at least three strengths of the employee.  Noting value opens the door for an improved relationship.     

I encountered a difficult colleague early in my career, and though I struggled with our relationship (and my role in the mess), I learned a lot from her about providing excellent customer service.  This helped me to think of her as my client and find ways to serve her better, ultimately improving our relationship. 

4.    Identify your safe space to talk through frustrations, especially when emotions are high.

Question: How will I respond when I am triggered by this difficult relationship?

 When you are not in a triggered state, identify what you need to process the emotions in a healthy way.  Is it a walk around the block, a brief meditation, a trusted person to help you talk through it?  Be mindful of the difference between working on a solution and venting as it could make the situation worse.  Define what you need in times of high emotion.

5.    Identify ways you can turn this difficult relationship into an opportunity for personal growth.

Question: How can this employee be a teacher for me? 

 When you have clarity about the ways you can learn from the other employee, you focus on the helpful aspects of the relationship and let the rest go.  Think about this employee as someone who is part of your journey and take the opportunity to become better from the lessons they teach you. 

These questions allow an opportunity to step back from the difficulty of the relationship and see a bigger picture, one in which both members of the relationship benefit. 

Katie Stone is the founder of Together Evolving.  Email Katie at katie.stone@togetherevolving.com to learn more about the transformational impact coaching can have on you and your leadership.